Instances of letting go

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Breakups are least to say difficult. But what’s worse are encountering them in unexpected places. This is a little instance where time ended up playing tricks on me and let me collide literally with my past.

Instances 2/50

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To be INFINITE.

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I recently watched the movie “the perks of being a wallflower ” after thumbing through the book. there has been a lot said about the movie , a lot more said about the storyline and even more so said about the cast and the crew.I do not have anymore to add to it.For me it was a good movie with some poignant moments that would be remembered only to be forgotten ,which is the beauty in itself.

It was something that Charlie said that I couldn’t forget ,”Right now we are alive and in this moment I swear we are infinite.”

I often wonder what it would be like to be infinite.Would we have corny lines to belt out ? or would be just bottle it up to let the moment be pickled in the reflections of our grainy memories?  I guess to feel infinite is to be ourselves (or not !). It’s not about throwing caution into the winds yet it is all about saying ” I  ” without others into the questions, with no comparison before or after.

There are not many moments of such pure infinite-ness in our memories and I should think we should be glad for it. The essential basics of  infinite-ness like  being yourself ,being absurd , being in love , being rooted and the world pass you by are all there . Our mind is already overloaded with so many categorizations ,that we shouldn’t burden ourselves with anymore of these.Perhaps we  should let it just be .To see and let it just be infinite with possibilities.to look at the dealings of life ,to challenge the mundane things in the most possible  screwed up ways and yet feel that ,this is there and it belongs to start and end right now, like a self combustible capsule. Everybody should be lucky to recognize that one infinite moment , and maybe if I were religious I’d just say , “hey there ! today I met GOD.”

The truth of Darkness

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I just finished watching Night and Fog ,and even though my laptop screen is blank , I am unable to move. The coffee I made earlier is still untouched .In the last 30 minutes of this movie watching I have questioned everything that is REAL for me.So far that it’s the only movie which ever provoked me in the thought process that I haven’t even considered before.The realization that the “pain,anger and frustration ” that I have defined for myself seems intrepid and almost too shallow.

I know that the time of the war is always in juxtaposition with a different dynamics. But to want to see one’s threshold of this facet was something I never knew about me.Our experiments with life are too limited given the way of our lifestyle.The idea of life and death for us is too loosely portrayed. I have never witnessed something so profound or life altering.

It’s strange that we should have the easy way out and not understand the basics of our existence, unless we undergo a series of tests that are more than just about our endurance of pain.The movie has this peculiar feature, it has this matter of fact way at which death is treated.It relays a set of facts without any empathy but these statements don’t sound cold either . But if that kind of coldness and indifference present during the war times  is ingrained in our DNA then I think we are all in this world for a  very long haul.Honestly the movies has too many scenarios that make you cringe or even cry ,but  shying away from the images that the movie prints in your head is easy .I tried facing these images with a steel mind , saying to myself that I’m not the one going through this pain, it’s just the images .Although if truth were to be told (steel mind or not),sometimes facing them head on becomes so overwhelming , that you  have to write to tell it to someone ! I do not know if you even have the idea of the movie ,but it’s so terrible and beautiful at the same time.It actually makes you look into things and not just  see.

I wonder  how would we  see the “self” objectively when we destroy everything about ourselves just so that we can live?