Instances of letting go

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Breakups are least to say difficult. But what’s worse are encountering them in unexpected places. This is a little instance where time ended up playing tricks on me and let me collide literally with my past.

Instances 2/50

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Instances of dread

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A lot has happened in the last year after I stopped writing. I was a melting pot for some victories, a Lil’ of chronic depression and a lot of yo-yo-ing in life where nothing seemed right. While there is a deep pain in suffering, there are words in this too. These next 50 days I’ll write to you all that small instances which were chinks in my armour, the holes in the fortress that seemed so strong. I don’t know if they would always be my vulnerabilities, but I know that saying them out loud might after all help me.

Heres the first one, the instance of dread I feel, more so when I am forced to interact with people unknown for prospective relationships that I can actually forgo.

Destruction in Four parts.

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Unsteady, this life,
Falling into the pages,
Between others stories,
Encouraged by mere words,
Finding neither the end or the beginning.

Unsteady, these dreams,
Built from dusk to dawn,
Unraveled thread by thread,
Forced into the misery of now.

Unsteady, Blaming none,
These dark inked fingers,
Washing the evidence of blood,
These bruises of defeat,
paying an ode to the carcass of memories.

Unsteady, Moving ahead,
Breathing, smiling,
Tripping into the furnace
of naive hopes and mad dreams
once again.

I haven’t written in a while now, the words wouldn’t come to me. When words become your friends, their alienation hurts. You can’t complain to anyone about them, just that  the loss is a ghost pain. So when they do come back, I celebrate!Gregariously and morbidly even. As always, the mending of a broken person is a treasure trove of inspiration.

Confessions : Of Nostalgia

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I don’t forget the birthdays of people who actually do matter to me and I am slightly proud of it, but I almost did today owing to the million parallel thoughts in my head. In my search for some funny material for a birthday card I went through all my email conversations with him from a time when emailing about the happenings of your life was a cool thing to do. Long story short, I found this  piece of advice I gave him  for whatever life crisis he was going through during that phase. I guess my 19 year old self was truly 19 going on 60 ! 😀

 

 

This is a part of confession series, written in old sketchbooks/emails brought to life here.

It doesn’t have to make sense

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Families are what we make out of them or something like that. When I look at my parents celebrating their 25th anniversary this week, it dawned on me that each individual member is a different species but we make a decent team despite trying to kill each other at various instances.

So this one is for all those families or sort of families who stick around because of their differences. 🙂

(*insert number*) Things to do when you are in your twenties!

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There have been many a list made in all the blogging sites about the things do. The most popular ones being – Things to do before you die, things do when you are 50, the things to do when you are in your 30’s & 20’s ,5 things to do when you are aged 5. It is  like our minds cannot evolve from one age group to another without such progressive lists. That said, lists are our mild OCD patterns of things we ought to write and forget( or not). Personally , I love lists, I make them up all the time, like “things to say to your inanimate best friend” ; “things to say to your dog so that he may have self-esteem”; “things to say to your boyfriend so that he may be left with some self-esteem” ;”things to do when you are bored by the presence of people” etc and so forth. So here is the greatest list of things I believe that must be done in your twenties.

#) Convince your best/favorite/only friend to shave their head. Why? because in your twenties is the only time you will have enough conviction to do so and your friend will be actually gullible enough to listen to you, after which you have enough time in your life to make new friends in an extreme case where your friend abandons you.Also shaving off your own head is so overrated.

#) Quit on the one thing you absolutely love. It can be your obsessive gaming, football, chocolates,your girlfriend/boyfriend,books,movies, Facebook,coffee,cigarettes, marijuana,cocaine. It helps you build up your immunity for all the further disappointments that are lined your way in your 30’s.It also helps you enjoy the same later when you are acutely miserable.

#)Ride away into the sunset. Yes, buy/borrow/steal a minimum of 300cc bike and go on a road trip. It’s the only time you can afford to take one without your doctor on your speed dial.

#)Plan a wedding. This is only because you do not want to be left out of the crowd where all your friends are either thinking about getting married or are getting married. Plan a wedding for your pet snails or yourself or your grandparents. The whole planning part is so tedious that you rather face a hundred tasks dumped on you by your boss on a Saturday evening.

#) Eavesdrop on the guy in the other booth in a bar. It surmounts to nothing. Next write down their conversation. A few laughs are bound to be generated when you read it out of context. But lesson learned , everything you do from this decade onwards-surmounts to nothing. Peace.

#) Listen to Music from the 1920’s. Yes , get over your Bob Marley, Guns and Roses, Aviici or Swedish house mafia. You will go a long way in life knowing artists like the Blind Lemon Jefferson, Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington. Also it will earn major brownie points with people who know their music and adds a much need snob quotient with people who listen to Justin Bieber.

#) Write a Novella. It is a necessary rite of passage. It can be about your ever clichéd love story to your boring childhood where nothing ever happened, It could also be about your fantasy parallel universe which is similar to Lord of the rings. It doesn’t matter as long as you write because it improves your vocabulary. It also helps you type in full words than “hw r u?” (Seriously, that is not cool!)

#)Own a leather Jacket. Just because you can.

#) Make plans to build your own bunker. Plan it well. Hire an architect too. You never know when you might need a mini bar if a nuclear explosion ever occurs and you are hiding in your bunker.

#)Visit Siberia. It might be freezing cold. You might lose a couple of toes to the weather , but it will be the place you will describe to your grand-kids about every-time they ask about your missing toes.

#) Buy a camel. Why? Same reason as why you bought a leather jacket in the first place.

#)Make your own Things to DO lists. Seriously! Get to it.

Back off !

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IT stuck to my shoulder

and I couldn’t shake it off.

A smidgen of a thing,

Leeched all my thoughts.

 

Picturing a life with this burden,

A weight that wouldn’t crush

Just perched on my back,

Not letting me move on either.

 

This thought that does nothing,

It doesn’t prickle ,it doesn’t itch.

Just makes my back its home,

distracting my existence to that tiny speckle.

 

Lying on my back,

Rolling around,

Standing in the pouring rain,

Praying to wash it down.

 

When I felt it leave,

I panicked ,

I didn’t want it to leave or stay,

I only wish it wasn’t my back

’cause for just IT,

I would wipe the whole world away.